What a beutiful day

We walked to the local park/lakes today with the girls and some friends. The sun was shining and we had a wonderful day, playing and eating ice creams. It was lovely to forget about the cancer for once, its so hard as Darren looks so much better than he did 4 weeks ago, and he doesnt look sick to anyone else that didnt know him before. He walked with the girls, played and it just felt lovely to be normal, I almost forgot he was sick. Noticed the almost, well i cant stop worrying his over doing things.
The girls were shattered when we got home and to be honest thats all there is to report. A lovely day with my little family, these moments are precious, somedays you forget how much.

his over done it!!

Well plans for today were to take our girls on a picnic to Knebworth, which is a good 45mins to an hour walk. This was planned before Darren got sick with 2 friends of mine. Darren decided he wanted to come and I explained how far ect, he said he was feeling well today and if he needed he would get bus back.
Well we all went, it was lovely and he insisted he could walk back ok. Got back to Gemma's house and sat down for a cuppa and Darren was falling asleep on the chair so I sent him home to rest. He slept for about 3 hours.

I rang the Macmillian charity to ask about moneys ect, as Darren isnt working at the moment and neither am i (although I go back after easter holidays).
Was told i dont love in their local area so no one can help me, and to go to CAB! So must be careful that Darren only gets cancer if we live in the right area!

I have been a little tearful today, silly things really set me off, songs on the radio, watching Darren playing with the girls and just thinking about how unfair this all is. I havent let Darrn see me, as I dont think he needs to know how hard Im finding this some days.

I went out tonight to my local and joined my normal team for the quiz, we didnt win! But the pub supports charities, and agreed to donate £150 to Leukemica research next week!!
Came home to find Darren looking very rough, sweaty and dark rings under his eyes. His temperture is ok, but have sent him off to bed. I hope his ok and we dont spend another night at the hospital.

Good text from friend with good news about her own worries of cancer, and all signs point to north of our road, so with hope she wont be joining me and Darren on our rocky road, which is great news, hugs sweetie.

woo hoo and boo hoo

Well wonderful news that Darrens white cell count is back to normal range!! HIs Liver results have started to drop and hoping they will go back within normal range asap.
Bad news, why is there always bad news too??!! Hammersmith hospital have managed to lose/destroy Darren first lot of special blood results, and so the consultant isnt happy. It was the results to tell the doctor how well his body was responding to Chemo, as so they needed the bloods from his first day of dianogisis. Grrr consultant explained that it now is difficult to get a true picture of how he responds to the chemo! He had more tests today but not going to be true result as his been on chemo for nearly 4 weeks :(

Now white cells are down, he has to work on bring the percentage of cancer cells in the bone marrow down, then he will be in remission. Consultant feels this will take 8-12months. Still a long way to go but so happy with positive news today.

My friend has all my thoughts and prayers with her for good results today, good luck sweetie xx

My car passed MOT!!

We are walking to local ish (a good 45-60min walk) park tomorrow for a picnic. There is loads of us going so looking forward to a nice day. Got loads planned for days out over easter. Anything to keep our mind off cancer.

Wireless again :)

Yea all my wires are gone :) Tanisha asked what they were this morning and Darren told her i was a robot and I was charging my batteries! cheeky so and so.
darren went off for his normal blood tests today so hoping it shows good results on Monday.
I have been trying to do a little more research today, but struggling to understand all the medical words and Im sure they do it just to make themselves sound brainly! I know they were focusing on lowering his white cells, but this is just a side effect of the cancer, but is a bad one, so hence the rush to lower these. They said last week that Darren will have regular bone marrow taken to check % of cancer cells. They said it will be atleast 8-12 months before classed as remission. I dont know why i was so shocked by that, but guess it sounds long.

Darren just got all excited as he found a bruise, but it didnt have a lump underneath. This happened loads before he was diagnosised because his blood was so clogged with white cells. Its strange how small things can give you such hope.

I was meant to go out tonight with some girl friends, but had such a headache i didnt go. Im finding im getting more of these, but im certain its just stress.

We are still planning to go on holiday in June, but may end up coming home half way though so Darren can see his specialist and then travelling back again, but hey i dont care!!

Well tomorrows another day, and Im learning quickly Sunday and Monday are the worst days of the week in this house. Only to learn results on Monday and feel fine until we start worrying about next hospital visit.

All wired up

I had a lovely day at work, and had a lovely lunch too. I took my excersise test but half way though the machine died so they said they may have to call me back if the cardiologist doesnt feel there is enough info.
Im hooked up to my 24 ecg machine, so going to have to wear it till 4.30pm tomorrow.
I also found out today that some close may be starting the same journery as us. Im hoping she doesnt, but if she does I will be there if/when she needs me. Hoping for good results for her and for Darren on Monday, hugs sweetie xx

Darrens off to the vamps at path lab again in the morning for more tests, and really holding for good results for MOnday.
Oh and we are only at £22 for race for life so dig deep people, its worth its weight in gold. Thanks for the donations so far, your truley great :)

Tomorrow is going be hard, for me!

This blog is mainly focused on Darren and I have completely forgotten about me. Im going into work tomorrow. I am helping to a group, which is fine, im looking forward to it, but also saying goodbye to 2 staff memebers who are lovely. I also have to go and see the cardio team tomorrow for my own tests. I have to do a excersise test, I run on a treadmill they see whats happening to my heart at the time. I also have to have a 24 recording of my heart so will need to be all wired up and then come home wearing them! I know I have a busy day tomorrow and im panicing. Im finding it hard to pull it all together some days. Any silly thing can start me crying and i hate it (I am a control freak, for anyone that didnt know).
Im hoping for good results from my tests as I cannot handle another bad result. Im looking forward to seeing my work girls again, they are a fab lot :)

Oh and please if you see me in real life and i ask if i can help please please dont say I have enough on my plate, as if i didnt want to help i wouldnt offer, and sometimes its nice to help someone else and be me, instead of darrens wife for a while, not that im planning on divorse, but you know what I mean. LOL

RACE FOR LIFE

Its been a quiet few days here. Darrens doing well and seems to have some enegry back. We are just holding out for test results Monday. Not before my tests on riday though. Yucky, I have to have an excerise test and a 24 ecg tape done :( Hoping they can work out whats wrong my heart at the moment. To be honest though I havent got the time to owrry about me, so is stoppping me stressing.

Right me and my 2 bestest friends are doing "Race for Life" this year to raise money for Cancer research. Im hoping my sisters will join me too and anyone else is welcome. However, if you cant join us, please please sponser us, we have set up a web link to help it make it easy.

http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/darrendutton


please give us your money!!