Thursday 24 December 2009

Spot the difference!!








last 2 pictures are form just before we found out about the cancer, the other pictures were taken on our wonderful holiday to Center Parcs! For the first time this year, no one was sick, no one was poorly it was just lovely :)

Saturday 12 December 2009

another little leukemia fighter

http://redirectingat.com/?id=470X756&url=http%3A%2F%2Fanimoto.com%2Fplay%2FYU8XJjL3n0ytAXpfuxIt4A%3Futm_source%3Dfacebook%26utm_medium%3Dshare%26utm_campaign%3Done_click_share%23

Wednesday 9 December 2009

Just checking in





Well nothing much is happening here. We are just plodding along, with nothing to report. Its bliss

Friday 6 November 2009

Hospitals dont rush, do they?

Well Darrens appointment came by on Wednesday and Bone marrow results still arent back from the Royal free! Blood results were ok, if not a few liver results being a little off the charts. Darrens specialist has said as long as BM results are in (he is chasing them) and darren remains well, he will see him in 3 months :)
So back to normal behaviours for a while now, put it to the back of our minds and carry on.

Tuesday 3 November 2009

WOW what a deifference a few years make!!

I was reading this article online, and brought tears to my eyes, its hard to hear what would have happened if darren had got this cancer 10 years ago

"WHAT WAS LIFE LIKE FOR PEOPLE WITH CHRONIC MYELOID LEUKEMIA, OR C.M.L., PRIOR TO YOUR RESEARCH?

A. Life was pretty miserable. If you were over 40, the main therapy was interferon, which prolonged life for maybe a year in perhaps 20 to 30 percent of patients. Interferon made the patients feel awful — like the worst flu. The only other hope was a bone-marrow transplant for younger patients. The problem there was that the death rate in the first year was 25 to 50 percent.

C.M.L. patients were always difficult to see because both of us knew that the clock was ticking and there was virtually nothing that we could do about it

This has all changed since new drug came into the face of it all in 1999.
Full article here: http://www.nytimes.com/2009/11/03/science/03conv.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1

Monday 2 November 2009

Agggrr So the winter bugs begin

Ok we have dealt with Swine flu and now we face the fight of the winter bugs. Me and both the girls are poorly. I have a nasty chest infection, Tanisha has a cough that sounds like she smokes 50 a day and poor Jaz has ear and chest infection and has a raging temp too.
for once darren is the well one, I guess all those vits do work :)

We should get Bone Marrow results on Weds, and i wont lie, Im scarced. If these results show a good reduction is cancer cells we are on the home run and just need to keep going as we are and hope he makes remission within the year :)
If they show little or no reduction, we have to start this whole battle again from the start with new chemo.
Prayers and thought for those that need it x

Friday 16 October 2009

Sunday 4 October 2009

life is pretty good here






Not much going on really. Have been spending what little nice weather we have out as a family, and enjoying walking and bike riding. Scan results came in this week and all clear, which is great. Still awaiting bone marrow results, but have told us they will let us know once results are in.

here are some pics of our lovely days out together, and will update with any news.

Thursday 10 September 2009

wonderful results

Darrens cancer cells are down to just 4%!! they started at about 99% (not 100% sure as they lost results, but they are goin on how unwell he was when dx), then 39% and now just 4!! Needs to be 0.001 to be in remission but this is still fab news. My darren was so brave having bone marrow taken today, the needle is hugggee.
onwards and upwards.

Monday 7 September 2009

did she jump or was she pushed!?

I am struggling to hold it together this week. Darren has scan tomorrow night and then bone marrow biopsy and consultant meeting on thursday. Tanisha is back at school and im back to work. Jaz starts new childcare this week in the form of my sister, she has her 2 year check next wek and starts preschool on the 17th. In all honesty, as much as i hate to say this as too prud, we are broke :( I did a carboot this week to just be able to afford food shopping and i dont know what to do until payday on the 26th. Im doing another carboot on saturday and hopo06.efully that will see us though and also selling stuff on ebay. I just cant seem to get ourself out of this hole. And before you ask, the holidays were paid for ages ago and we had food money and that was pretty much it and the reason we spent a lot of time on beach (thank goodness it was nice and sunny). Benifits are being very slow in decided what they will give us/ if anything at all.

I just know how i will get though this week, im tearful and stressed and trying so hard to be normal. So many people tell me how brave and how well i handle this, and while i know they are trying to be nice, it does make me feel as if it would be a bad thing to fall apart :( that it would be failure on my part.

wish us luck and please think about us in prayers this week, im thinking this week it might be needed.

Sunday 30 August 2009

Holidays and scans







Well we are back from our family holiday in UK. We had a great time and some wonderful weather. Darren was well and loved spending time with the girls. We have an appointment for Darrens scan on the 8th Sept and still waiting for follow up appointment which i will call Macmillian nurse about on Tuesday.

Hope everyone is well

Wednesday 19 August 2009

Damn it

Well results werent so good. They have manage to lose the % results so now have to wait till they find them.
Darrens liver results are now a concern. He has to go and have extra blood tests, and an ultrasound scan, within the next few weeks. He also has an appointment for bone marrow removal in a few weeks :( OUCH
Wishing it was better news.

Tuesday 18 August 2009

Results day tomorrow and new life

Well another appointment is nearly here and the wait is terrible.
The way CML works is you have to have a 3 log reduction in first 6 months. So % of cancer is calculated every few months. First % was guessed at 97% as the hospital lost them :(
Hoping for a good reduction tomorrow and then further reductions at 6/7 months so we can know we are on the right track.
Also hoping liver/kidney and platlets results are ok, as there always seems to be a BUT at every report.

The girls have picked up today, so looking good there.
Darren has been turned down for DLA even though some days his too tired to get out of bed and is often going back to bed during the day, so money is still tight, but if we can deal with cancer we can deal with everything.

Our best friends have had a beutiful baby boy this week and he is so sweet and a great reminder of how life goes on and how precious it truely is.

Oh Im putting together a photo montage with photos of our family but also would love pics of other CML suffers to include.

If you want to send me a pic to include, please email me minx101@hotmail.com with a name, who the picture is of, age, date of dx and anything else.

thanks for listening and hoping to update with some lovely news tomorrow. x

Sunday 16 August 2009

Holidays and Swine Flu







I have been away to the beutiful Isle of wight with my lovely girls. We had a great time and spent most of it on the beach building sand castles and chasing waves. We also visited a small Zoo.

However, Jasmine has now developed signs of swine flu, with a massive temperture, diahorra, aches and not eating. Tanisha has complained of Headaches and dizzy spells. Both girls are at home with me and we are hoping they pick up before our family holiday on Saturday.

Darren gets % results on wednesday and we will have an idea of how well the cancer fight is going, so prayers and thoughts please.

Thursday 6 August 2009

4 months in, what a difference a few months makes.

Well here we are, 4 months into Cancer treatment and awaiting another load of results. On the 19th we will find out what % the cancer is at now. We are all hoping the daily chemo is working and that results are good one. Its odd, sometimes I can go a few days, sometimes a week and not think too much about the fact my lovely husband has cancer, but then there is always something to remind you. It could be the huge meds box on the side, Darrens drug alarm that goes off at 8am every morning, or even just the call i got last night from Darren wondering what to do for the best after visiting a friend with a sick child. Cancer has a way of sometimes just taking your breath away, of sometimes just sneaking in and reminding you that life is cruel, so breakable and oh so sad at times.
I look at my girls and I know they dont understand, I know most of our friends see Darren and dont understand. He looks so well and hides his tiredness so well, but sometimes I wish he wouldnt, sometimes I would like someone to see Im sinking on a bad day.
I guess I would just like life back. Before we worried about drugs, sickness, hospital appointments and what our next option is if this doesnt work. I know once the 19th is over, we wil be good again for a while, until the following month when its time for Darrens bone marrow biopsy.

Oh well, I guess life goes on, and i really should get back to my wonderful life of housework.

Hugs and prayers to all those that need it.

Monday 3 August 2009







Well we went camping, and loved it. Was wet for one night but rest was ok. Hope your all well.

Darren has been tired again, but his appointment is on 19th so fingers crossed we get good results.

Thursday 16 July 2009

Cancer research Ad

well Cancer research have done it again, given us another hard hitting ad. Well nothing hits harder than cancer so who can blame them. I still cant watch the one with "fields of barley" song without welling up, and that was before Darren got sick.



please give, you know Darren will be on Chemo everyday without more research.

Im having a bad hormonal week, and keep crying and for once Darren is holding me together.

hope everyone is well and prayers and positive thoughts for all those battling or fighting the fight. hugs

Monday 13 July 2009

RACE FOR LIFE!!







Well we did it, me and Tanisha completed 3 miles for Race for life and between us (with help from Gemma and Maria) raised over £500! It was a lovely day but reading some of the messages on the runners back brought a tear to the eye. Tanisha's and Jasmines just said "My Daddy" and mine said "for my wonderful husband, still fighting".

Darren is doing loads better this week and finally seems to have beaten this virus/bug/infection. Although his still tired, and slightly grumpy some days, we do ok.

Heres some lovely pics of RFL

Tuesday 7 July 2009





found some more holiday pics to share with you all. hope you like them

Swine Flu

Well oh bugger Swine flu has hit our family and work. Both my sisters and their families are being treated at the moment. We are of course worried and the GP has given us a perscription for anti virals for Darren.
I cannot get this flu, Im running race for life on sunday and need to be well.
Darren still isnt right. He is getting weird numb feelings in his sides and headaches, which isnt like him at all. He has also started having panic attacks.

Liver results were boarderline and his clotting bloods arent great but not dangerous, so waiting another load of tests.

This week has been a toughy, I think everyone has holiday blues and is pretty tired.
Oh well best get back to house work. hugs all

Thursday 2 July 2009

Im famous!! LOL

I did an interview for the local radio station today, about Race for Life. Poscast here: http://www.heartdunstable.co.uk/Article.asp?id=1396121

waiting always waiting

Well we saw consultant and now awaiting more test results. Thats the news really, nothing more I can add.
Please dont forget Im doing "Race for life" next week and anyone that hasnt spondsered me already pleaaasee do. Can be done online here http://www.raceforlifesponsorme.org/darrendutton

thanks

Monday 29 June 2009

Now Im panicing!!

Ok, so I called Macmillian nurse to check if Darren needed any bloods done between now and his appointment, as they had changed it. Also told her his been very tired, bruising again and generally under the weather. She called back and they have requested we both attend a meeting with the specialist on weds this week! Now I dont know what they are thinking, I cant seem to find much on rejection online, although he has a higher risk because he had enlarged liver and spleen at dx.

God feel like my worlds falling apart all over again :(

Sunday 28 June 2009










Well Holiday was meant to be relaxing right?

Darren wasnt well at all for atleast the first week and didnt really pick up till last 3 days. He often had to go back to bed, lay down as he ached everywhere and also developed a problem with his kin. He couldnt even bear a tshirt touching his skin as it was too painful. :( Macmillian nurse thinks it might have been shingles!
He did pick up and we managed to keep the kids busy, and have some nice days at the pool, beach and out seeing friends so wasnt a complete loss.
Biggest news was Tanisha learnt to swim! she was so good and was jumping in the deep end by the end of holiday, was so proud of her.
am going to add some pics of the holiday too, but have to get on with my washing pile too :)

Wednesday 10 June 2009

well it continues

Darren is still unwell. His tired out, not eating much and very achey all over. His blood came back ok and GP said it sounds like a flu virus :(
I guess this sort of thing will hit hard, while he remains on treatment. We are meant to leave for our holiday on Friday, but i dont even know if we will go then or maybe a few days later. Will just have to see how Darren is, and if his up for travelling.

Saturday 6 June 2009

infections grrrr

Well Darrens still not well at all. His finding any movement hard work, is sleeping loads, still dizzy and not eating much at all. I called Macmillian nurse and she agrees with GP that its an infection and says will take a while to recover.
Tanisha's appointment was a little strange. The doctor agreed she has ASD but doesnt feel a diagnosis is helpful at this time as we are all managing ok.

We were meant to go out last night with some friends, but Darren was in no fit state so i went alone and missed having him there.

Darren had more blood taken today, so hopeful of some good results next week.

Sunday 31 May 2009

tears and more tears

We have had some lovely weather and spent yesterday at the local water park, which was good fun. Today however, is not so good. Darren was feeling sick, dizzy and tired so I am calling Macmilllian nurse tomorrow. However before I can do that we have an important appointment for Tanisha, our eldest. She has a assessment to find out if she has ASD, (austistic spectrum disorder). It just seems to be a long list of things at the moment, and sitting here, its all got on top of me. I know i will be fine tomorrow when all this is over with for Tanisha.
I just really need to have a rest and our little family holiday cant come soon enough.

Wednesday 27 May 2009

Results

Darren went to his appointment today and his wbc was good. However they are concerned that his liver function tests arent good. The levels have started to come up again which isnt good so been referred to another specialist. Hoping we can get this sorted.
Other than that all is good, although Darren has been more tired this week. Next results in 6 weeks will give us a percentage of the cancer cells, so will be better informed then.
Hope all the readers are well.

Saturday 23 May 2009

The sun is shining

Thats its really its a beutiful day outside :)

Thursday 21 May 2009

Never rains but it pours

Its been a really crap week. Tanisha has had her SENCO report for her assessment visit which wasnt nice reading in parts. I had my hospital visit which resulted in some treatment i wasnt exspecting and so am now feeling pretty rough and run down. Darren is doing well but finding work a bit hard, i think more the hours. My works pretty busy but i like being busy.

My mum called to ask about booking a holiday for next year (which we tend to do a lot) and had to explain we just cant plan that far ahead anymore. I dont know what will happen in a year. We dont know if Darren will be in remission, be rejecting drugs and on a new lot or even be needing a bone marrow. Its so hard to know we just cant plan, our lives are stuck for now. Most days we live a normal day with only the large amount of meds in the box or the hospital appointment on the calander to show we live daily with cancer.
Oh well enough moaning best get back to practicing my smile!

Friday 15 May 2009

another week another worry

Another week goes by and Darren is doing well. His gone back to work full time this week, but is very tired some days, but putting on a good face! Money has hit a terrible low this week, but things are improving. Tanisha has an appointment in 2 weeks for an assessment for ASD. I on the other hand have an appointment on Tuesday for some tests due to some woman problems (very red faced atm) but hoping it doesnt show anything to worry about otherwise i might just cry :(
Im so glad Darren is improving and long may it continue.

Friday 8 May 2009

Grrr Chest infections

Well my cough and cold turned into a chest infection and so now on AB. I had left it too long and could barely catch a breath, so taking a while to clear. Its hit me quite hard, but i think just the stress of the last few weeks has tired me out.
Darren back to work till 3pm this week, and seems to be coping ok.
MOney is tight as hell and im struggling to find a way out of things but hoping things will sort themselves out once payday rolls around at the end of the month.
Tanisha has been really very "off" this week, crying but not knowing why and getting a little mouthy, which isnt like her. I think she's tired out, worried and stressed too. Its got to be so hard for a little girl of six to understand whats happening. I hope she gets though this ok, and its such a pain as if we lived 2 towns over we would be able to access family councelling, help with money and things like massage and other relaxing stuff. Oh well, life sucks some days, and think today is just one of them. Hoping for a quiet weekend.

Tuesday 5 May 2009



thought it might be time for a picture of me, especially as its me writing this blog :)

Well, another week rolls by.

Funny weekend here, Im feeling unwell, especially in evenings and morning and Darrens been looking after me. His a good nurse LOL. Im worrying he might get my cough and cold, but hoping he doesn't so no kisses for me.
I have paid for our holiday today and its left money tight but to be honest, its worth it if it gives us a break. We know where the nearest hospital is but i need to find out if that one has a cancer ward, just in case.

I would like to say to the person that left a message on my last thread, please feel free to email me, minx101@hotmail.com if you want.

Sunday 3 May 2009

all quiet on the westen front,

Not a lot going on here. Darren had his first week back to work but only till 12pm everyday. His putting on a good front but is clearly tired out.
All the talk of swine flu is a bit of a worry as Darren would be so ill if he caught it, fingers crossed its all panic rather than truth.
We have decided to take up cycling as a family, should be fun! but the hope is it will keep Darren healthy, but not wear him out too much. (I think the kids do that)

Well thats our boring little life, which i am loving. So much nicer without weekly hospital appointments, or hospital stays.

Just a warning to all that read this because they have searched for blogs on CML, be careful what you read. There are some sad stories, as yes CML can and does kill people, but please try and remain postive. As sad as I am for those who lost loved ones to CML, I cannot let those thoughts enter my head. Maybe once Darrens better I will. Hugs to those that need them, prayers for those who are sick and love to all that love someone else xx

Wednesday 29 April 2009

Hearts r us!

I had my appojntment today, and they still dont know why my heart runs double speed. And with that in mind they have discharged me! They cant see any damage to my heart and cant find anything in bloods, so therefore dont think its serious. I have been told to go back in if the palpations start to bother me too much or if still going in another year. Oh well least I dont have to go abck for a while.

Also Tanisha has finally got an appointment for her assessment, as school and we have been concerned about her behaviour for a while. Child mental health has confirmed they think she has asbergerers but until assessment is complete, we cant get any help. Oh well just another thing to squeeze into our calander.
Its funny how when cancer is involved everything either seems to hard to deal with, or you just take it in your stride, which we do, as if you can deal with cancer you can deal with anything else!

Tuesday 28 April 2009

back to work!

Darren went back to work today. Just till 12pm. But his already in bed by 8pm so has taken it out of him. He looks tired but still loads better than before he was diagnosised. Im hoping this is a step forward for us and that he doesnt over do it.

Still waiting for some forms from the macmillian nurse to help with some pennies for our holiday. Alot of our savings were spent in the time Darren was in hospital and just after, silly things like car park, hospital food, take aways, petrol, just everything.

Im panicing about my appointment tomorrow with my cardiologist, i have to have a heart scan, so am thinking i will be there a while. Fingers cross eh?

Monday 27 April 2009

Remission! of sorts! woo hoo

Darren had his Monday appointment, and he is in clinical remision, which means that the side effects of the cancer are now normal! woo hoo. Still another 2 stages of remission to go before his clear but still its good news.

However, (why is there never just good news) Darrens kindeys arent managing again so his back on his kidney meds, which they took him off 3 weeks ago. His liver results still not normal but doing well.
Darrens not got another appointment for a month, but mine is wednesday, fingers crossed for that.

Im feeling the effect of this cold atm, im run down and my head hurts, but think 80% is stressed related

Wednesday 22 April 2009

Working and cancer dont mix





Well these two are the reason we get up and try and do normal things everyday. We have to get though this for them and we will.

Well as I said in my last post Im back at work, and I have to say Im enjoying being busy and seeing all the lovely people and families I work with. I really feel helped someone today,nothing major, just a little something but still felt good. Thats the thing with cancer, you lose all control of every part of your life, you cant help, you cant do anything and its so hard!
Im still having to tell a few girls at work whats happened in the last few weeks, as some dont know and I even got asked if I have been on holiday! hmm wishing so much that I was.
Strangely enough, 2 people today told me that they have had cancer, I never knew and its odd how cancer is like a little group, you dont want to join but when you do your glad someone else knows where you are at. I also reliased today that Darren is managing this so much better than I am. Im a control freak, and hate this all! Darren doesnt want to know too much, I want to know it all.
Darren has put plans in place to return to work on Tuesday, as long as all results are ok on Monday. His going back staggered, so as not to get too tired out, I just hope he doesnt over do it.

Tanisha went back to school yesterday and as always is loving it. We are still waiting on her appointment for her assessment for asbergers, but we have talked about it, and to be honest we dont care. We wouldnt be changing how we treat her at home but would be good to know for her education.

Im back at the hospital myself next wednesday to see my cardio team and hopefully get some results.
When I talked to my boss about all this earlier in the week she commented about how much we have to deal with, but I dont see it that way. It could be so much worse. We still have each other and wonderful support from friends and family, it never feel like we are going this alone.

Oh the only thing I need is a good massage! can anyone recommend a good one in my area?