Well his home, for now

Darren finally got home yesterday at 6pm. The girls were so excited to see him, Tanisha just ran at him :)

His Brother came straight to the hospital with his girlfriend Mandy, it was so nice to see them after so long. They stayed a while, and came back later in the evening once we were home.

Darrens parents finally got here at 7.30pm, and his mum was cuddling Darren and crying, she asked if he was better. I wish! I dont know if she knows how long a road we are going to be travelling. His dad was very cold towards me and I find it so hard when people are so rude in my own house. I know he blames me for the big falling out a few years back. I know if I hadnt married Darren he might have followed them to Wales, and I know he might not have found out his adopted by his dad, but its not my fault. Its also not my fault that Darren choose to follow a religon, his a grown man for goodness sake!

Everyone finally cleared out at 10.30pm, and Darren was shattered but hungry for the first time in days, so we enjoyed the loving meal our friend Michelle had sent over earlier! I dont know what I would do without my friends and family. I havent cook a meal since Thursday, and every night someone bring us something nice and yummy to eat. Im dreading having to cook again, so I cant cook as well, im going to miss the yummy food :)

Darren had a slight temperture last night of 37.7 and I told him if it goes higher im taking him back. Its down again this morning, slightly high at 37.5.

His very tired today, he woke at 7am when the girls came and woke us, his got up got dressed and now gone back to bed. He looks worse today, but im guessing the chemo has really started to invade now.

I spoke to one of the mums at the school this morning as I knew her husband had cancer a few years back and also she worked on the cancer ward, she was so helpful.

The macmillian nurse called this morning but i was at the school so shes ringing me this afternoon. I have so many stupid questions: Do i need to rehome our cats? What is the highest I can leave his temp at before taking him back? Can he change a nappy? Can he walk Tanisha to school? Is he allowed to visit others? What do i do if the kids are sick? Is he allowed to help with house work? How long will this round of chemo be for? When will we know what stage its at? oh the list is endless!

I think its hit me that Darren will have cancer for life! Chemo will be part of our everyday vocab and we will forever be asking questions!

Im surprised how hard its been to accept will we not have anymore children. We arent planning on anymore at all, due to my heart condition, but i think having that choice taken out of your hands is heartbreaking, Darren so badly wanted a son. But he loves his girls to bits

Before I was just worried about getting him well enough to get him home, and he is, Im worrying about him always.